This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
did you just send me my own nude
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
