Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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