So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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