he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
