I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
