I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
