I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
