some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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