At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Shame is for Republicans.
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