Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
