Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
