my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
