marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
