so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
