Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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