I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
