you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
