when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I pour the whiskey from now on
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
