i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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