She is in my trunk
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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