No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
