I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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