Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
