a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I checked into jail on foursquare
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
