Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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