i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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