The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
