i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
