You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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