we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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