moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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