saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
