This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
