I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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