Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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