I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
