my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
