somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
