i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
