You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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