DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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