Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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