last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
