i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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