Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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