So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
