So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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