Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
