i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
