I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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