im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there's paper in my vomit.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
