Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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