he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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