Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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