We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
