is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
