My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
