Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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