He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
