I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
