Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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