I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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