Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
