I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
