I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dick very happy bro
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
