Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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