My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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