found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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